It’s come to my notice recently, an unmistakable truth of gigantic proportions, which is that ‘you can’t control how people feel about you’.
I have realised that in being polite, diplomatic, generous in listening and understanding and responding passionately I can attempt to influence how people feel about me but cannot guarantee that how they feel about me is how I want them to feel about me.
I have realised that several moments of such ‘nice’ behAvior can be wiped out in an instant when opinion overcame niceties.
People often demand behavior that is in opposite to your behavior at that particular moment and then criticise such behavior if it was altered.
I am tired of life. I am tired of having to explain and justify my actions when no-one else seems to do so. I am tired of having to constantly check if what I say and do is appropriate or expected or well received. I am tired of wishes while wishing for certainties. I am tired of hoping and then being disappointed. I am tired of surviving and not living.
I will go on and erect my defences against any and all such hurts and attacks that come my way.
seeker of justice 